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Wednesday, February 13, 2008

One For The Girls...

Today I received this in an email and it was so funny, I had to share. Whether it truly is real or not, I'm sure it will bring a smile or even make you laugh outloud.

The email states:
This is an actual letter from an Austin woman sent to American company
Proctor and Gamble regarding their feminine products. She really gets rolling
after the first paragraph. It's PC Magazine's 2007 editors' choice for best
webmail-award-winning letter.

Dear Mr. Thatcher,

I have been a loyal user of your 'Always' maxi pads for over 20 years and
I appreciate many of their features. Why, without the LeakGuard Core or Dri-Weave
absorbency, I'd probably never go horseback riding or salsa dancing,
and I'd certainly steer clear of running up and down the beach in tight,
white shorts. But my favorite feature has to be your revolutionary Flexi-Wings.
Kudos on being the only company smart enough to realize how crucial it
is that maxi pads be aerodynamic. I can't tell you how safe and secure I
feel each month knowing there's a little F-16 in my pants.

Have you ever had a menstrual period, Mr. Thatcher? Ever suffered from
the 'curse'? I'm guessing you haven't. Well, my time of the month is starting
right now. As I type, I can already feel hormonal forces violently surging
through my body. Just a few minutes from now, my body will adjust and I'll
be transformed into what my husband likes to call 'an inbred hillbilly with
knife skills.' Isn't the human body amazing?

As Brand Manager in the Feminine-Hygiene Division, you've no doubt seen
quite a bit of research on what exactly happens during your customers monthly
visits from 'Aunt Flo'. Therefore, you must know about the bloating,
puffiness, and cramping we endure, and about our intense mood swings, crying jags,
and out-of-control behavior. You surely realize it's a tough time for most women.
In fact, only last week, my friend Jennifer fought the violent urge to shove her
boyfriend's testicles into a George Foreman Grill just because he told her he
thought Grey's Anatomy was written by a bunch of drunken chimps, Crazy!

The point is, sir, you of all people must realize that America is just crawling with
homicidal maniacs in Capri pants... Which brings me to the reason for my letter.
Last month, while in the throes of cramping so painful I wanted to reach inside my
body and yank out my uterus, I opened an Always maxi-pad, and there, printed
on the adhesive backing, were these words: 'Have a Happy Period.'

Are you f**king kidding me? What I mean is, does any part of your tiny middle-manager
brain really think happiness - actual smiling, laughing happiness is possible during
a menstrual period? Did anything mentioned above sound the least bit pleasurable?
Well, did it, James? FYI, unless you're some kind of sick S&M freak girl, there
will never be anything 'happy' about a day in which you have to jack yourself up on
Motrin and Kahlua and lock yourself in your house just so you don't march down to the
local Walgreen's armed with a hunting rifle and a sketchy plan to end your life in a blaze of
glory.

For the love of God, pull your head out, man! If you just have to slap a
moronic message on a maxi pad, wouldn't it make more sense to say something
that's actually pertinent, like 'Put down the Hammer' or 'Vehicular Manslaughter is Wrong',
or are you just picking on us?

Sir, please inform your Accounting Department that, effective immediately, there
will be an $8 drop in monthly profits, for I have chosen to take my maxi-pad
business elsewhere. And though I will certainly miss your Flex-Wings, I will not
for one minute miss your brand of condescending bullsh*t. And that's a promise I will keep. Always.

Best,
Wendi Aarons
Austin , TX

2 comments:

Ellen said...

RFLOL!!

OMG, this letter is really great! I so hope this letter was really sent! (and would love to read the reaction if it was!)

Thanks for sharing Andrea, a perfect way to start my day with a big smile
..

Ellen

AC Associates said...

Hi Ellen,
I'm glad someone else found this funny. I certainly did!
Thanks for stopping by...

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