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Saturday, February 23, 2008

Leaving Comments on Blogs

I'm feeling a bit odd over something that happened this week. Over at myspace, a fellow friend posted on his blog how he sold his home priced at 20% below market value because he was in a rush to sell. He also used a realtor to sell his house, which means he paid commission.That in turn means he not only took a loss of 20%, but even more with the money paid for the realtor's commission. He was stating the best way and the only way to sell a home was through a real estate agency. He ended his post stating he wanted to bring his success to his readers, so they are aware of his method. He said he wanted to make a difference in someones life.

I commented on his post in an attempt to bring about awareness of another sales method to home sellers that is often overlooked (I happen to teach this method to those who call my office and ask for help/support or who buy my e-book). This was my attempt in 'making a difference'. Just informing people of the choices they have. This method would have allowed him to sell at market value and not pay commission. In my eyes, I was thinking in terms of saving someone money and keeping more money in their pocket. I did not use my comment to advertise my e-book or leave a link to my site. I merely mentioned this other sales method.

Times are rough these days and every little bit helps. I am in no way, shape or form against Realtors or using one if that is your choice.In fact, Realtors even use the sales method I mentioned when properties are hard to sell or want to sell them quickly. I have a few friends who are Realtors. That is their job and what pays their bills.

The blog author commented back in a negative way, so I responded with just a simple, honest answer. He then had a realtor comment to me, which felt like an attack and threw me.

I wasn't being negative or attacking him personally. I was just being nice.

To my surprise, he deleted me from his page and his next blog post is titled SCAMS AND CROOKS ALL AROUND US....LIONS AND TIGERS AND BEARS, OH MY!!!!


This world is made up of all different types of people, some with the same views, some not. We are all entitled to our opinions, actions and decisions. I guess I shouldn't have offered my two cents since it was different than his opinion.

I have received comments here and at my other blogs that differ than my thoughts and I have come in contact with people who have different opinions, but I don't judge them based on that nor do I stop viewing them as my friend because they offered another way of thinking or had a different opinion. That is how we learn and grow...

What do you think? Was I wrong?

I welcome all comments here...you can comment without worrying if you criticize or do not agree, I will no longer allow you on my blog...

I have also read other blogs and the comments received. The comments do not always agree with the author. How do you feel if or when someone leaves a comment that differs than your opinion?


Ellen said...

Hi Andrea,

well, another proof that there's no such thing as coincidence (at least in my life..)
I was just, right this moment, contemplating this myself.. I've published a post yesterday on the Sister Helen Prejean's thought-provoking views on the death penalty. A view that touched me, made me think. That's worth something to me, even though I might not agree on every single word. This morning I received a lengthy reaction, stating a number of points where her view is 'wrong'. I'm still in doubt on what to do with this reaction. Though most of it represents a different view point, some words in it are unacceptable to me. I applaud discussion, and welcome different view points, but not name-calling..
I guess everyone will have to apply his or her own standards there..

With respect to your own reaction on that blog, your intentions sound (and as far as I've seen from you, definitely must have been) very sincere.. That unfortunately doesn't always mean that the other person cannot feel attacked or feel like you've encountered him negatively.. The same goes for their reactions towards you..

I do believe that that is one of the disadvantages of our virtual communication. Written words, without the clarifying non-verbal communication, without knowing each other's background and culture might very quickly lead to misinterpretations.. Bringing a realtor into the picture might e.g. just as well be an attempt to skip the personal agitation.. And give you a possibility to discuss it on a professional level?

I do however believe that deleting someone's comment is the last thing you should do. Everyone should of course follow their own rules there, in the end it is your own blog you want to feel comfortable with. Personally however, as stated, I would applaud a discussion, delete only comments involving swearing, name-calling, unacceptable words etc..

So, I definitely do not think you were wrong, or you should feel bad about it. A sincere attempt to help, to make a difference, can never be wrong!!

My apologies for my lenghty reaction, I do hope it is of any help to you!
Wishing you a wonderful weekend,


AC Associates said...

Good Morning Ellen,
I am So glad you shared your thoughts. I happen to agree with your statements.

I'm sorry you received a comment with unacceptable words. I do think a comment can be left, whether in agreement or not, using tact and keeping in mind that respect should be offered. The use of unaccectable words, name calling and swearing should not be used just to make a point or to continue a discussion.
Like you, I favor discussion, even a good debate, but it can be done with respect.

Everyone is different and that makes our world go round. Each person's perception is different as you pointed out to me with regard to my comment affecting the author of the mentioned blog.
It's true when writing, whether comments on blogs, texting on cell phones or emails, the sender knows what they are trying to say and what position they sent it, BUT, the receiver may have a different view when reading the message. It is hard to completely know the intention without the use of verbal communication and or facial expressions.

The blog owner in this mentioned post, just deleted me from his page altogether. I can longer view his blog. A strong reaction in my eyes.

As far as the comment you received, I don't think deleting the comment is the answer either.
I would respond using the words you wrote to me...

Please, do not ever feel you need to apologize for a comment or thoughts shared, regardless of the length. I enjoy the exchange and welcome it. Sharing views, whether they are the same or different, brings new thoughts, lessons learned and so much more.

Robin Lee Sardini said...

Wow, Andrea! I'm sorry you had such a negative experience when trying to be of help.
You and Ellen are right about the communication in the virtual world. It is very difficult to interpret the tone of someone's words. Nevertheless, what this person did is a reflection on him, not you. Some people, more than others, are inclined to "take offense". In their world there simply is no room for discussion or debate.
In terms of the psychology of it, if he entertained your viewpoint, he would have to admit to himself (and perhaps, others) that he might not have made the "right" choice, or that he could have made a better, more intelligent choice. Within this framework he could appear and feel "wrong" or foolish. He must then do whatever he can to defend and salvage his position and his honor (in his own mind) by going on the attack and eliminating any ideas that are contrary to what he believes is "right".
The strength of his reaction speaks volumes here. His decision was tied directly to his self~image and what he believes others think of him.
It seems he took it as a personal attack and he launched one in return. How unfortunate!
Ellen, I'm sorry you had to go through something similar.
What I have witnessed in the virtual world at times is certain people using this form of communication as their arena for venting, without regard for the presentation or the recipient.
One blogger I know thinks it's best to be a conjurer of controversy because it increases readership. The use of inflammatory or derogatory language really detracts from the point the writer is trying to make, but that's just my opinion.
I applaud both of you for your thoughtful discussion, your tolerance and openness in this difficult matter. And thanks for drawing the line. Embracing a different point of view demonstrates tolerance; when a differing point of view becomes abusive, it's time to speak up.

AC Associates said...

Dear Robin,
You are a strong, wise and intelligent woman. Thank you for sharing with Ellen and I.

Bobby Revell said...

It sounded to me like the guy helped rip himself off and was teaching others to do the same...haha! I know the wonderful person you are and that person just didn't like what you said.

I think that we should all be able to cope with whatever comments come our way. I don't allow cursing on my blog (I think real words are even more effective than curse words), but anything else goes.

He should listen to your advice because you were only telling him the truth!

AC Associates said...

Hi Bobby,
Ya know, I could just see you smiling as you wrote the first line of your comment! haha

Actually, I thought the same thing~ why would you want others to lose thousands and thousands of dollars?! I hate to see people just give away their hard earned money and lose on one of their biggest investments. Some people are just not aware of all their options, so I commented. No malice involved. Oh well...everyone approaches things differently I suppose.
Thanks for visiting and sharing your thoughts.

Mariuca said...

Hi Andrea, some ppl just can't take constructive criticism and in ur case, it was just a piece of friendly advice. Worry not dear, you were just trying to be nice and helpful. It's unfortunate that the other guy took it the wrong way. Have a great day Andrea! :)

EuroYank - Virginia Hoge said...

You just uncovered a propaganda site. Why do you think the subprime mortgage market has banks all over the world in trouble, and writing off 500 billion in defaults? Its because of their scams and ripoffs. And this 500 billion of bad loans is just the first round, it affects banks all over the world and has shaken the very core of the Federal Reserve (they were only about two years later in discovering this rackett!)

Jean Chia aka Ms.Yummy~licious said...

Hi Andrea, lookd like some ppls just cannot accept different opinions. Anything outside their opinions or knowledge, they view it as a criticisms. That's too bad for them! Dont worry, you are not wrong. You've done yr part in being a nice person by telling him the truth.

Unknown said...

Hi Andrea,

I'm a bit of a drive-by, swinging over from Bobby's batch. Unfortunately we all have to develop thick skins to the virtual world, whether because we are attacked, or because someone else misinterprets something we write as an attack. The guy over reacted plain and simple, and no, you were not wrong for disagreeing with him.

At my place I have no comment policy, except that racial, gender-based, or bigoted remarks of any kind will promptly be deleted. And since each blog is the author's space to do what they want with, if it so happens what they want is a bunch of brainwashed sheep nodding their heads at every word, then they will weed out anyone who is not a sheep.

Kudos to you for not being a sheep, and for trying to give people an option that keeps them from taking a hit on their investment. If he's going to be prickly over something so silly, what makes you think you need a friend like that?


AC Associates said...

Thank you! The whole situation just left me feeling strange. But, you're right, he took it the wrong way.
I'm always finding myself in trouble when sticking in my two cents...haha, but I was only trying to help people and save them money.

AC Associates said...

Isn't this the strangest thing...I was just commenting about you on Bobby's blog and here you are on mine...hmmm.
Anyway, thanks for visiting and sharing. I like your straight forwardness and honest approach.

I don't know if I uncovered a propaganda site. The blog author's topics are many, but in this particular post, he was just bragging about how he sold his home for less money and shelling out all this commission to a realtor. I just didn't understand why his decision was so great and then telling people to do the same thing. There are other options to be successful without having to do that, especially for the reasons you mentioned (which I am quite aware about). Yes, the many scams and rip offs are plenty and yes, they did put us in this financial mess. But, rest assured, what my comment was about had nothing to do with a scam or rip off.

AC Associates said...

Jean Chia,
Thanks for stopping by and supporting me. I was only trying to help others. I guess you do take a chance when giving others a different opinion or sharing knowledge outside their box. People seem to jump on the defensive...

Thanks for swinging by and sharing. I'm so glad you did. I like the way you think! and, I am not a sheep by a long shot...haha...I'm quiet until I have something to share or say or defend.
I love discussion which stimulates the mind...other people bring about different thought processes, opinions etc...which we all can learn from.
BTW: I did write a short, friendly email to that blog author explaining how I found it intersting that he deleted me just after my comments.I apologized if he took my comment in a negative way, but explained I was bringing awareness to others, so people wouldn't lose money on their biggest investment, especially with what's going on in our real estate market and mortgage industry. His reply was he went delete crazy after blog drama that he was experiencing. He invited me back to his site. um, I haven't returned...

Anonymous said...

Coz everybody is entitled to their own opinion..There was a time when I checked on friends' blogsite..They did get a bad comment too..and I was the one who's being so reactive..(felt so bad)I admire them for not getting so affected.Coz everybody is entitled to their own opinion

Robin said...

Hi, I think you are a kind person. There are a lot of not so nice people out there. I think you left a positive message for other people & keep it up. God Bless & take care! :-)


AC Associates said...

Thank you so much for your kind words and welcome here at A Circle of Women.
You are right about there being some not so nice people out in the world, but I have been lucky to find more positive, real and honest people....especially since I began blogging.
I believe we need the negative to balance out the positive..it all goes hand and hand, but what I love the best, are the lessons learned from each experience.

Anonymous said...

You weren't wrong.. sounds like your "friend" has some issues.

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