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Saturday, August 25, 2007

Perception in Friendship

I was reading a post called 'The Stranger' on Wonderland or Not
The below is an excerpt of the post.

"Ever sit down to lunch with someone you thought you knew and have them say something which completely changes what you thought you knew of their character? Something which forever changes not only the way you view that person, but alters the ability to maintain a friendship with the individual? "

It got me thinking about a recent experience I had. A very close friend recently showed a side of her that quite amazed me and now my view of her has changed somewhat. Her actions and choices have damaged our close friendship. I understand every one's perception of a situation is different...but shouldn't we try to accept that, not judge or hold it against one another?

This friend was having a party, but I couldn't attend due to something suddenly needing my attention involving my company. My business calls for my complete attention at times and these pressing responsibilities had to be done. I did explain why I couldn't be there. After hearing she understood, I never thought this would ever evolve into the drama it has, never mind a friendship damaged beyond repair. Turns out she didn't understand at all... she was so disappointed, hurt and angry at me, she has avoided and ignored me for 2 months now. When I confronted her, she said she didn't know how to proceed...


As I am writing this, it sounds rather childish. I've been out of high school for quite some time. But, going back to the area of perception, I guess when people see things differently, it affects each in a different way. At first I was upset by this whole mess, but now my view of her has changed.

Has anything like this happened to you?
Have you ever disappointed or hurt someone unintentionally and had that person cut you from their life?


Unknown said...

I think your use of the word "perception" is spot on! My experience is that often we think we know people and those assumptions are what holds a friendship together. But of course people change and they also only present particular facets of themselves.
Recently a friend described one of my other friends as "arrogant" and I nearly fell off my chair as she had never presented this way to me. I think one of the biggest dangers in friendships is assuming that our reality is shared by others. In other words, because we think something is true (ie someone is arrogant) then a) it is true and b)everyone also views the person that way.
Thanks for another great post!


I really enjoyed this post. I think this happens often. Real communication is the key. Thanks for writing this. =)

AC Associates said...

Hi. Thanks so much for returning and leaving such a great comment! Perception leads us to assume certain things about others and can be a tricky thing.
I also found that the friends we choose or the people we meet, we think they should be like us...our character, our morals etc...sometimes we get disappointed. I'm learning to accept. That'll be a post coming soon (acceptance of others)..haha

AC Associates said...

Thanks for stopping by. Communication is an important factor in all relationships. It's just hard to get people to open up, share and be honest about what they're feeling. There'd be less confusion that way.

Anonymous said...

Yes... and I am heartbroken.

It seems I was not accepted warts and all.

AC Associates said...

I'm so sorry to hear that. Then it's their loss to not see such beauty inside. you are one special person

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